Blog #5 Jeanne
“When we were children, we used to think that when we
were grown-up, we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability….to
be alive is to be vulnerable.” Madeleine L’Engle*
A friend recently posted this to his Instagram feed. At
first glance, it has little to do with the act of composition writing. In fact, it for sure has little to do with
writing research papers, which is what I have been doing during my time at CSUDH. This literacy narrative – an assignment new to
me in the way that the writing style and what is asked of me is new – is vulnerability
in the making.
Putting to words the journey I have travelled to get to
being the reader and writer I am today requires a level of stripping bare that
is unfamiliar not to say uncomfortable. There
is a common theme in dreams when the participant shows up to work or school and
they are undressed and in public. This
dream is meant to show a worry about unpreparedness. This narrative and it’s ensuing sharing is a
lot like that dream. Not only am I
uncovered, but I am uncovered in public.
Vulnerability is a trait that I have fought against, always
wanting to appear strong even when I did not feel it. But vulnerability is something that I value
and appreciate in others – in conversation, in writing and in living in the
open honesty that life requires.
This literacy narrative is vulnerability on paper. Not only do I need to expose parts of my
life, I then need to show those parts to my cohort and ask for something that
feels like ridicule. My mind understands
that is not what is happening, but my heart is worried. It is worried it is unprepared, uncovered and
alone in public. This insecurity about making myself vulnerable can be answered
by this quote by Richard Yates:
“if
you don’t try at anything, you can’t fail… it takes back bone to lead the life
you want” ^
The
life I want is a brave one.
*https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/64058-when-we-were-children-we-used-to-think-that-when
^https://www.azquotes.com/quote/396229
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