Blog #5 Jeanne

 

“When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up, we would no longer be vulnerable.  But to grow up is to accept vulnerability….to be alive is to be vulnerable.” Madeleine L’Engle*

 

A friend recently posted this to his Instagram feed. At first glance, it has little to do with the act of composition writing.  In fact, it for sure has little to do with writing research papers, which is what I have been doing during my time at CSUDH.  This literacy narrative – an assignment new to me in the way that the writing style and what is asked of me is new – is vulnerability in the making.

Putting to words the journey I have travelled to get to being the reader and writer I am today requires a level of stripping bare that is unfamiliar not to say uncomfortable.  There is a common theme in dreams when the participant shows up to work or school and they are undressed and in public.  This dream is meant to show a worry about unpreparedness.  This narrative and it’s ensuing sharing is a lot like that dream.   Not only am I uncovered, but I am uncovered in public. 

Vulnerability is a trait that I have fought against, always wanting to appear strong even when I did not feel it.  But vulnerability is something that I value and appreciate in others – in conversation, in writing and in living in the open honesty that life requires.

This literacy narrative is vulnerability on paper.  Not only do I need to expose parts of my life, I then need to show those parts to my cohort and ask for something that feels like ridicule.  My mind understands that is not what is happening, but my heart is worried.  It is worried it is unprepared, uncovered and alone in public.  This insecurity about making myself vulnerable can be answered by this quote by Richard Yates:

“if you don’t try at anything, you can’t fail… it takes back bone to lead the life you want” ^

The life I want is a brave one.

 

 

 

 

*https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/64058-when-we-were-children-we-used-to-think-that-when

^https://www.azquotes.com/quote/396229

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